Wondering about wild grapes

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Wondering about Puns.

I really don’t have any good subject for today’s blog and I love puns. It just so happened that a friend of mine (an old classmate from high school years) sent me an email this morning with a list of “Puns for the educated”, and I thought that you would enjoy them as much as I did.  You may have to read some of them twice, I did and the more you read them the funnier they get.  So for today, just read the puns and have a good day, you hear?

Puns for the educated....
1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!
Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a fire, and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down..You'll just have to be a little patient."
4. Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products, and since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression "He who has a Tate's is lost!"
5. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
6. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
7. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).
8. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need any enemas."


  1. Oh Good Grief Charlie Brown!!

    I give it a rating of 2/3's of a pun. P U !!

    1. It did say it was for educated people. . .(grin)

  2. I loved #7 but I am a math geek!

  3. Now THAT'S funny! I enjoyed them all!

    You go, DD!

  4. Trouble, thanks, I liked them also, that is why I put them on the blog.

    Frann, I like math, also, so i liked #7.

    Hermit, glad you thought they were funny. Let's smile over a cup of coffee.

  5. Puns are one of my weaknesses. Spider Robinson's books are loaded with them -some real stinkers.

  6. Sixbears, humor of all kinds is neccessary to get through this world and stay sane. Puns are some of the best humor.