Wondering about wild grapes

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

A Few Smiles for You.

I love humor.  It is a large part of my life.  You know, if you can't be good at anything, be funny.  OK, below is a few jokes I got off the internet.  I wanted to give credit to the web-site where I found them, but I can't find it again.

OK, this first joke points out that sometimes it pays to act dumb:

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters insteadad of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

Now, if I ever went to a psychiatrist, this would probably happen to me, too:

I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!" (Rodney Dangerfield)

And to think, I am not even one in a thousand, but I am not in China:

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you. (A. Whitney Brown)

Yep, ugly lasts and lasts and lasts:
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.

No, this was not me, I was a beautiful baby.  Well, at least that is what my mother thought:

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother. (Henny Yongman).


Suspicions confirmed: 
An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit" The mortician says "We’ll take care of it, ma’am" and yells back, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"

Well now, that was nice of the twin on the right:
I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive. (Steven Wright)


I don't hear as well as I used to, so I know how he feels:
My grandfather is hard of hearing. He needs to read lips. I don’t mind him reading lips, but he uses one of those yellow highlighters. (Brian Kiley)

Well, I hope you all got a chuckle or two out of the above and it helped you to have a great day, you hear?


16 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Glad that I could tickle your funny bone. . .

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  2. Thanks for the laughs, its been a long hot day

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    Replies
    1. Laughs are always good for what ails you. You are welcome.

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  3. They are all good, but I like the kid who takes 2 quarters rather than a dollar1

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    1. Yep, that kid will grow up to be a millionaire some day with the business savvy that he seems to have.

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  4. Love all of them, made me chuckle. My favorite is the Barber Shop with the 2 quarters. Thanks for the laugh.

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    1. Smart kid. He doesn't want the well to run dry.

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  5. Hermit's Baby SisJuly 7, 2016 at 8:13 AM

    Good laughs, Dizzy. One of the VPs here asks me for a joke everyday, and I'm definitely going to use yours! Thanks!

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    1. They really aren't mine, I just found them on the internet. I love humor and jokes, anything that makes me smile and laugh.

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  6. good ones,,,liked the one about the suits best

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    1. Yep, just switch heads. I like it, too.

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