My good friend in Pennsylvania sent me an email containing such wisdom and humor I just have to share it with you all. I needed a good subject for today's blog and she gave me the subject and the contents all in one package, so here it is:
FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)
These are neat.
1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was
fully recovered.
8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
9. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
10. A calendar's days are numbered.
11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
12. He had a photographic memory which was never
8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
9. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
10. A calendar's days are numbered.
11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
12. He had a photographic memory which was never
developed.
13. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison:
13. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison:
a small medium at large.
14. Those who get too big for their britches will be
14. Those who get too big for their britches will be
exposed in the end.
15. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
17. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she
15. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
17. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she
thought she'd dye.
18. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
19. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony
18. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
19. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony
of de feet.
21. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table
21. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table
was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
23. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra
23. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra
class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
25. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still
25. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still
be stationery.
26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was
26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was
cited for littering.
27 Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
28. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The
27 Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
28. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The
police are looking into it.
29. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
30. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
29. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
30. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'
32. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken
32. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken
to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to
ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
33. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray is now a seasoned veteran.33. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper
I hope you all enjoyed the above and will keep you grinning for the rest of the day. So, you all have a great day, you hear?
Good ones Dizzy! Your friend is an offcial member of the twisted humor club.
ReplyDeleteThx for the smiles,,,
ReplyDeleteSixbears, She and her husband have been close friends for as long as I can remember. She and my wife were in the same grade in school and her husband lived near me an we fished, camped, and hung out together. Yes, old, old friends and with a sense of humor, too.
ReplyDeleteTrouble, Everyone needs smiles and I know you sure do.
Those are some good knee slappers, Dizzy.
ReplyDeleteNow those were some I haven't heard before! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteJill, I slapped a knee a couple of times when I first read them.
ReplyDeleteHJ. Me neither. That is unusual that I get some sent to me in email that hasn't hasn't been received before.
As usual, I had to read a few of them twice to get it... duh... maybe I'm just tired tonight. One of them made me think of many, many years ago when my brother swallowed a penny... guess I just take things too seriously when i'm tired.
ReplyDeleteThe Odd Essay, yep, "no change yet" is one of the funniest.
ReplyDeleteDD - I really enjoyed those! A good grin for a Friday - thanks!
ReplyDeleteBaby Sis, I usually don't post jokes but couldn't resist these. My friends in Pennsylvania sent me some good once I couldn't resist.
ReplyDelete