I got thinking what I would say under certain conditions:
1. If I were a Fitness Instructor - - "The harder you work, the more you lose".
2. To a kid making a face at me - - "You keep that up you will grow up to be as ugly as me".
3. To keep a kid busy - - "Look up there in the sky, see that dead bird?"
4. If someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away.
5. If someone insults me - - "I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works."
I could come up with a lot more, but I would prefer to hear some from my readers, list some of your "what you would say if" in the remarks and have a great day, you hear?