Getting old ain't fun, but it can be Funny. As my dear old Mother put it, "getting old ain't for sissies". Now I know what she meant. But to give us "old folk" a smile on our faces, here are some old folks jokes.
A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50."
The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn to use our teeth."
OK, how about some shorter ones?
Old is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
Old is when "getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
Old is when you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
Old is when an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
It was all so different before everything changed.
At my age, I don't want to eat health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
According to hospital regulations, patients are required to be escorted out in a wheelchair when being discharged. A student nurse was having some trouble with an elderly gentleman who insisted that he did not need a wheelchair. After some discussion about rules being rules, he reluctantly agreed. As she was wheeling him out, the student nurse asked the man if his wife was going to pick him up.
"I don't know," he replied. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
OK, just one more:
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed these silly funnies about old age. I can empathize with most of the above jokes. Being old myself, makes these even more funny to me. Now, try to forget about all those aches and pains and have a great day, you hear?