A very good friend of mine
sent me an email with some of Red Skelton’s one liners on marriage. I am just going to copy and paste it here on
my blog and hope that you were like me and laugh so hard it brought tears to my
eyes. I laughed even harder when I tried
to read them to my wife. This is the
type of humor I grew up with and love. Sure
miss the good clean jokes that are really funny. So here it is for your enjoyment:
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE
FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays..
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is inCalifornia
, and mine is in Texas
3. I take my wife everywhere,
but she keeps finding her way back..
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long
time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen..
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops..
6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair..
7. My wife told me
the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."..
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off..
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"..
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce..
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was 'Always'..
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her..
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"..
FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays..
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in
3. I take my wife everywhere,
but she keeps finding her way back..
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long
time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen..
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops..
6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair..
7. My wife told me
the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."..
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off..
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"..
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce..
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was 'Always'..
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her..
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"..
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it........these were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words...
"God Bless" with a big
smile on his face. : )
Now,
you all have a great day, and hope you didn’t hurt yourself laughing too hard.
I used to love his TV shows as kid. His seagull routine always broke me up.
ReplyDeleteHe would not be on the tv today, they need nasty one-liners that poke nasty hurtful words at housewives, kids, disabled, oh, my goodness..Grew up with my great grandparents, always watched his shows..Also Pautl McCartney turned 70 yesterday, watched him when they first came to the USA the Beatles, love the song, will you still feed me, will you still need me when I'm 64..well he is 70 and still going strong, I just turned 64 and yes I still love Paul, like the song...Love love me Do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI remember my mother telling me way back when he was on TV to remember him , cause there won't be anyone else like him.
ReplyDeleteShe was right..
Love those,,DD.
ReplyDeleteI can almost see him doing his jokes! Very funny man!
ReplyDeleteI miss so many of the older shows sometimes!
Sixbears, yes I loved that sea gull routine, and especially the look he got on his face. His face could tell the story.
ReplyDeleteAnon, I am older than you but still love and miss Red Skelton. Just found a VCR tape of some of his old performances.
Ben, She was definitely right on that. No one could take his place.
Trouble, glad you liked them, bet you laughed some, too.
HJ, I know he had a drinking problem and wonder if that helped him do those crazy stunts. He was sure good and as far as I am concerned, the best in the business, ever!!
I read your blog to my husband,,we had a good laugh, thanks!
ReplyDeleteYes, Red Skelton was a different breed. I liked his dry humor. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHappy Tails, and Trails, Penny
Jill, see, that man can still make us laugh. Glad you two got a chuckle out of it.
ReplyDeletePenny, I remember watching him on TV. He sure was one of a kind. Thanks for stopping by.