My son and I went and picked up my wife's ashes at the undertaker's today. I brought her home and sat her in front of the fireplace at my eyes' level so I can look right at her. And oh yes, I am still shedding a lot of tears. Soon, it will be time for me to get a grip on life. It isn't fair to my other family members if I don't. I know that they worry about me. My dogs are still moping and not eating much. She is really, really missed.
My plan is to keep her ashes there by the fireplace until I pass away, then I will be cremated and my son will spread both our ashes around the path where we used to walk together. Sometimes she took extra walks or multiple trips around the place. She had kept herself in good shape until her surgery. I can't believe that I outlived her and I never wanted to. I have to go blow my nose, so you all have a better day than I am having, you hear?
Tough Times for sure. As the old saying says Peace be with You. I wonder if painting again would help the healing.
ReplyDeletePainting may help, but not right now. Nothing will help right now. She was the love of my life and it will take a lot of time to get over this, if ever.
DeleteRemember that feeling about my late wife quite well and it wasn't easy to get over. Even Kathy had a hard time with the passing of her late husband. Time only helps you learn to live again but you never forget them. You will dry your eyes many times, feel guilty for still being here, even get mad that she left you behind but it will pass. You will then realize you are still here to teach the kids what life is all about, Love.
ReplyDeleteBe Safe!
It's about time.
You are right, but like you said, it isn't easy getting over. We were dating in Junior High School. That was a long time ago.
DeleteYou do have so many wonderful memories over all those years, its seems like only yesterday we met with you, my time pass way to quickly.
ReplyDeleteBy the looks of things I don't gave that long to go either at least Suzie and I enjoy what we have left together, God bless and drive as long as it takes.
I think it is extremely important fo you to grieve now, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks, including family. You are the one suffering the most, and I truly believe you will be better off having expressed your grief for as long as you need. Take your time right now and you will be better off for it later on.
ReplyDeleteTime changes the pain after awhile...
ReplyDeleteThis last summer we went to Ohio and Michigan and Calif to see our relatives. When I actually saw a marker for my great great grandparents I felt a connection.
Since then I have been thinking about what I want done with my remains. Up until now having my ashes poured in the Pacific ocean seemed good enough, now I'm not as sure.
130 years later I was moved by seeing their resting places. My great great grandmother's father was buried next to her, that was a surprise to me!
Take you time there is no rush. I understand the family is worried but you can't chase away your feelings. You and your wife had such a special love and for such a long time. Just make sure you take good care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteThere is no time table for grieving, no one person grieves in the same manner. Take your time...I wish I could tell you something to make the pain go away...but there are no magic words to make you feel better. May time be your ally.
ReplyDeleteYou all have very great advice. The only thing I want to plan is a trip to Pennsylvania next summer, if I am still around. That is the state that I was born and raised in and I have a lot of relatives that live there that I love very much but haven't seen for many years.
ReplyDeleteBe kind to yourself. That's what she would have wanted. My heart goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteI will try. It may take awhile.
DeleteI echo Sixbears comment but also understand we all react to different things in different ways. Other than family years ago I have not experienced the death of loved one like you have. I know how the death of our 3 dogs over the years devastated me and that's the only thing I have to compare with. Only thing that worked for me was time. All the best to you Dizzy and I hope your pain lessens with time.
ReplyDeleteThe problem is at my age I don't have much time left.
DeleteKeeping her ashes with you and then being"buried" together is a great idea. Hang in there, we are all "pulling" for you.
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