A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50."
The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn to use our teeth."
OK, how about some shorter ones?
Old is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
Old is when "getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
Old is when you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
Old is when an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
It was all so different before everything changed.
At my age, I don't want to eat health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
According to hospital regulations, patients are required to be escorted out in a wheelchair when being discharged. A student nurse was having some trouble with an elderly gentleman who insisted that he did not need a wheelchair. After some discussion about rules being rules, he reluctantly agreed. As she was wheeling him out, the student nurse asked the man if his wife was going to pick him up.
"I don't know," he replied. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
OK, just one more:
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed these silly funnies about old age. I can empathize with most of the above jokes. Being old myself, makes these even more funny to me. Now, try to forget about all those aches and pains and have a great day, you hear?
That was close, glad I am not OLD yet.
ReplyDeleteYep, you got a long way to go to catch up with me, you young whipper-snapper.
DeleteI'm too close for comfort to many of these funnies! I cringed at the one about sharing the teeth!
ReplyDeleteYes, that almost gagged me, too. I found a lot worse ones, but opted not to reprint them.
DeleteMy favorite is the wheelchair/patient thing. These gave me a good chuckle....
ReplyDeleteI can see how that could really happen. Younger people just don't listen to older folks. Glad you got a good chuckle.
DeleteOf course, there is the forgetting that you forgot something. I remember when I could go shopping without a list........
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I forgot the forgetting that you forgot something (grin). Shopping without a list?? That is dangerous for me to do that. I bring home the dangest things from the grocery store and I also have to remember not to go grocery shopping when I am hungry.
DeleteI do the bulk of the grocery shopping, sometimes Sue uses up something and doesn't put it on the list. We may go for a year before we come across it at the store, "We haven't had that in a long time!" Pen and pad is always on the table now.
ReplyDeleteYep, lists are good. My wife writes a list of the essentials and I put all the rest of the junk in the cart. . .
DeleteOld ain't dead!
ReplyDeleteNo it ain't. I enjoy life maybe more than I did when I was young and in my prime.
DeleteO Wow,, that first one made me holler out loud,,,hahaha
ReplyDeleteSure glad you got a kick out of it. I guess I succeeded at putting a smile on your face.
DeleteOh, I not only enjoyed them, I needed them. I've noticed lately that when I describe someone as being old, I'm most likely describing someone younger than me. So I'm trying to stop doing that because it hurts when I realize I'm probably their senior by 5 years or more.
ReplyDeleteHumor and a good belly laugh can cure a lot ills and make one feel a lot better, if only for a little while.
DeleteBoy, those jokes about sum it all up. Getting old really isn't for sissies or those with no sense of humor. Haha, hehe
ReplyDeleteYou got that right. I am learning that every day.
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