Hey You!!!

What do you answer to?  I answer to a lot of things; Richard, Dick, Dicky, Dicky Bub, Dizzy, Dizzy Dick, buddy, son, mister, etc.  The one thing I don't answer to is "Hey You".  I am not Oriental, I do not have a Chinese name, so ignore people who try to get my attention by yelling "Hey You".  Neither am I Pink Floyd. . . according to the internet, they recorded a song called "Hey You".  Since I only listen to bluegrass, classic country, and gospel music, I have never heard that song.

Now be honest, what do you think when someone tries to get your attention by yelling, "Hey You"?  It tells me they don't know who I am or if they do, they forgot my name.

Hey you, let us hear what you think.

Have a great day, you hear?

Dizzy

Wife Compared To Mom

Compare your wife to your mom. . . DON'T!!  No, don't ever do that, not now, not tomorrow, not ever!  Do you hear me?  Do you understand?  That is a mistake that men make and live (if he survives) to regret it.  In fact, don't ever tell your wife that she should be more like some other female.  Remember, your wife is the most important person in your life and rightly should be.  I found this poem on line that brings the point home clearer than I can:

A Woman's Poem

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and
smacked him one
Like his mother used to do.

Poem by Maggie Nutt

OK, now have a nice day, you hear?

Getting Old Ain't Fun, but it can be Funny

Getting old ain't fun, but it can be Funny.  As my dear old Mother put it, "getting old ain't for sissies".  Now I know what she meant.  But to give us "old folk" a smile on our faces, here are some old folks jokes.

A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50."

The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn to use our teeth."

OK, how about some shorter ones?

Old is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

Old is when "getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

Old is when you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

Old is when an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

It was all so different before everything changed.

At my age, I don't want to eat health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

According to hospital regulations, patients are required to be escorted out in a wheelchair when being discharged. A student nurse was having some trouble with an elderly gentleman who insisted that he did not need a wheelchair. After some discussion about rules being rules, he reluctantly agreed. As she was wheeling him out, the student nurse asked the man if his wife was going to pick him up.
"I don't know," he replied. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

OK, just one more:

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed these silly funnies about old age.  I can empathize with most of the above jokes.  Being old myself, makes these even more funny to me.  Now, try to forget about all those aches and pains and have a great day, you hear? 

Wanted Wild West People

Here is a fictitious list of fictional people (that I made up) and the fictional reason they are wanted: 

Tall Paul  -  Wanted, but why?  Because he was the only one that could reach the stuff on the top shelf.

Short Mort  -  Wanted for sneaking in under the circus tent.

Silly Billy  -  Wanted for telling stupid, silly jokes.

Willy-Nilly -  Wanted for going off in every direction.

Wild Child  -  The youngest outlaw in the Wild West.

Bad Man Ann  -  Wanted for being a Bad Female Hippie. . man.

Fat Pat  -  Wanted for eating all the food at the buffet.

Skinny Minnie  -  Wanted for shooting Fat Pat because she was next in line for the now empty buffet.

Zippy-a-Dee-Do-Da.  -  A happy bandit from the deep south.

Slick Vic  -  Wanted for stealing all the Brylcreem.

Stable Able  -  Worked cleaning out stables and walked with a Cain cane.

Ike Clanger  -  No not Clanton.  Clanger was the local bell ringer.

Bobber Bob  -  Was caught trying to hide in a fisherman's tackle box.

I got lots more, but my wife is ready to head for town, so will stop here.  Hope you liked my sense of humor in names and please, have a great day, you hear?

What To Do Without TV

I was watching my regular old west TV shows this weekend and, puff, it was gone.  No, not the TV, just the picture on the TV.  It said that it lost the signal.  What?!?!?  I went outside and there was a mostly clear sky and I also checked, and the dish was still on the roof.  Yes, I have Dish satellite TV service.  I called them and they said that repairmen would be able to come out on Monday and, sure enough, they did.  They put new receiver buds on the part that picks up the signal that bounced off the dish and also repositioned it by pointed it to the eastern satellite instead of the western one that it had been pointing at.  They said there was less obstructions in that direction.

To make a long story short, they got their job done, the ladder loaded back up on their truck, and the best part, I can now receive all the stations I used to.  Funny, my wife was just saying before all this happened that maybe it would be better (no loosing the signal on stormy days) and cheaper to get the TV by other means.  Of course I am spoiled and like what we got.  For the mean time, I guess we will be keeping Dish.  They were nice enough to waive the ninety some dollar service charge, so it cost us nothing.  Yes, I was pleased about that.  OK, now let me get back to watching Wagon Train and I want all of you to have a great day, you hear?

Do It In Ernest

How many times have you heard someone say that a certain guy or gal did something in ernest?  OK, I have searched maps and Googled it but for the life of me, I can't find a town named Ernest.  So, where the heck is this place where all this stuff is suppose to be happening???

I have heard of Ernest Hemmingway (the writer) and Ernest Rutherford (the physicist).  Ernest Hemmingway wrote some great novels.  Here is a picture of him:

 

He was born in 1899 and passed away in 1961 at the age of 61.  He died in the year I graduated from high school.  Do you see a pattern here?  He Passed at in 1961, at age 61 and I graduated in '61.  No, I am not worried, since it has been many years since I was 61.

Not only was he a famous writer, but he was quite the big game hunter.  He loved hunting in Africa.  But his life was cut short by a terrible disease called hemochromatosis which caused him deep depression and severe pain.  Although he shot himself, it was the disease that actually caused his early death.

There was another Ernest that had a hand in changing the world for ever.  This was Ernest Rutherford.  He was a New Zealand physicist who came to be known as the father of nuclear physics.  Both of these Ernests changed the world, one in literature and the other paved the road to advances in medicine and, I hate to say, warfare.  Here is a picture of Rutherford:

He was a New Zealand physicist who came to be known as the father of nuclear physics.  Now, you can think of these two guys when someone says "in ernest".  You all have a great evening, you hear?

Aloe Vera and Maybe an Intruder.

Aloe Vera is a succulent that can treat burns, look nice, and bloom sometimes.  My wife has several Aloe plants and one of them is now blooming.  Click on the pictures to enlarge them.  This first one shows how tall the flowering stalk is:

And a close-up of the flowering part: 

This next picture shows the base plant much better than the first picture does:

I noticed some muddy tracks on my deck this morning.  We must have had an intruder last night.  Not quite sure what it was, maybe a cat or a coon or an opossum.  So far I haven't seen any damage that the intruder caused.

Do any of you know what made the above tracks?  If so, let me know.  Now, you all have a great day, you hear?